An Englishman Abroad - Chapter Seventeen
Of course it's a dammed sight easier climbing up a pyramid than climbing down one. By the time we scrambled down to the desert floor, and Giles, the sun was beginning to rise over the horizon. Looked bloody amazing actually, what with the sphinx greeting the dawn like it had for aeons. We both went over to where Giles and Anyanka were sitting, and were both recipients of the full Giles glare.
"Umm, sorry Giles" from me.
Head down, followed by head lifting up, and the big eyes and pout from Buffy, "Mm, sorry Giles, just couldn't resist". Of course he caved.
"Well, ok, recovery and all. Now if we could all go before we get arrested, for illegal entry to national monuments and illicit possession of national treasures, it would be helpful!" At which Giles threw one heavy bag at me for sherpa duty and paced off, Anyanka in tow.
Ok, mouth shut, do as told. Can do this. Really I can do this. Bloody hard though. Looked at Buffy, who was stifling a giggling fit, made it even harder. Could feel one of my own coming on. Concentrate Spike, look at Dad and Step-Mum, be the good boy. Did it once, can't be too hard. Ok it was over 120 years ago but, hey, re-tuned now so should be easier. Nope still wanna burst out laughing. Fail miserably and start laughing. Giles turns. Throws the other bag at me. Better stop before I'm carrying half the Giza Plateau back to the hotel. Doesn't help that Anyanka is laughing too now, Buffy is in a full on giggle-fest, and Giles mouth is definitely cracking upwards at the corners.
***
Luckily, since it was light by now, an early taxi driver was down by the entrance to the site. He agreed, for the usual fare plus some baksheesh, to take four still slightly sticky, and somewhat sandy, people back to the hotel. Must be a good market in mad westerners leaving the site at dawn.
One breakneck drive later we're back in the land of clean clothes, and most importantly showers. No porters being allowed to touch the bags, I had sherpa duty back to the room, and we all filed into Giles and my room. At which everyone just slumped. Adrenaline and ritual energy gets you so far and then whump, time to crash…big time.
"God Giles, Anya, Spike that was just wow. Thank you all. I know I wanna say more, but I'm starving, I wanna call Dawn and let her know I'm gonna be well, I have so got to have a shower, but right now just wanna sleep, for about a month." From a crashed out Buffy, slumped on one of the chairs.
Giles patted her arm. "Time zones, call her later. We can order some early room service breakfast, after all that, and the fasting, I think we all need something." Too bloody right, so I went to the mini bar and got the last bag out.
He continued "If we shower first we can order some food, and you lot can get a little sleep. But I have to get these artefacts back to the museum as soon as it opens. And I have to clean them first." Poor sod looked bone weary at that. Wish I could help but I don't know anything about archaeological object cleaning. I wish…God! Sometimes I can be as thick as Harris. Nope, not the case. "Anyanka, I wish that the artefacts we used in the ritual tonight be clean and ready to return to the museum."
She smiled, turned veiny and said "Wish Granted". Et voila clean artefacts. Also got a grateful and surprised smile from Giles and Buffy. Can definitely get to like this.
Giles ordered us all some breakfast, and the girls headed next door to shower and change. While he did the order I called dibbs on the shower. Efficient time management an all. Good to get clean.
The water pounded down, cleaning the remaining oil, sand, and dust off me and out of my hair. I leant forward my hands against the tiles. So much gone on, so many changes, such loss, some hope, when I thought there wasn't any, just too much to take in. So tired, all these things going through my head, so much in so little time. Hard to cope, so I just leant my head against the tiles and let the water wash over me.
***
Until I heard yelling through the door. "My turn you git! Stop shower hogging!"
So I got out, dried off, put on the towelling robe and threw my gungy clothes into a wash bag for room service, and padded out to let Giles shower. Luckily human brekky had arrived, and looks like Giles ordered me some too. Gotta love him really. So I scoffed, dressed, and crashed out. Didn't even hear him come out of the shower.
***
Zonked out until the phone went off. Alarm call for Giles, who looked as tired as the rest of us, poor sod. But museum returning reminded me of what happened to Buffy in there and so I asked, "Watcher. I left a note on Buffy fainting in the museum. What was all that about. Notice the little bird statue's here."
"You are right about the bird. It was the most important part of the ritual, so that explains why it affected Buffy. You said the other trigger was the deathmask of Tutankhamun, right?"
"Yeah."
"Has that effect on a lot of those sensitive to the supernatural. You might have noticed the face is different on the three coffins." Hadn't really, but nod anyway, don't wanna fail the seminar. "Much of the funeral equipment of Tutankhamun was re-used from his brother Smenkare, and even his father the Heretic Akenaten. Both were anathema to the priests of Amun. They cursed them both. Some of that curse carried over in some of the artefacts."
"So the curse story is correct then?"
"Partially. Only some of the treasure and only to the sensitive, and its weak by now. Cost us some good watchers to get it that way, but it's not dangerous anymore. Now lecture over, I have to go to the museum. Send the clothes down to room service, and I'll see you later."
At which we were interrupted by a knock on the door. It was an immaculate Anyanka. "Rupie, I have to go, I have a job come up. I shouldn't be long, simple job…guy three timing the girl supporting him. Buffy is still asleep." She kissed him, opened a portal, and went poof.
"Dear! You singed the carpet!" Sighed Rupert. "Well more to add to the bill. Have to go. See you later. Got the blasted phone contraption with me."
He left. Sorted both our laundry. Re-entered the land of nod.
***
Woke up again about 2 in the afternoon, as Giles came back in, accompanied by a much more perky Buffy. She was talking to Giles. "So I called Dawn, and let her know I'm gonna be fine."
"How's the bit pet?" Glad I've been wearing sweats sharing a room with the watcher an all. Bit awkward otherwise, well more so.
"She's ok. Still trying to get through the whole Tara dying, and Willow going all Darth Vader on us. She said she had a nice dinner with Clem and Sophie, and they send you hugs." Been lucky with them both, good mates are hard to find, especially for chipped vampires.
She continued "I think the whole mostly silent Xander is freaking her out some, but she's coping. She sends you both a big hug and wants to see you both again asap." We both did the embarrassed Englishmen routine, fortunately for me sans blush. "So I've eaten, slept, showered, been mummified. So tell me, what's the big secret, and how soon do I see my sister?"
Now that was sneaky! I'm impressed.
So exposition guy had to do his stuff. Plots to destroy all non-human sentients, except maybe the dolphins of SeaWorld. Good demons, the assimilated, half-demons, those attuned to the supernatural, and her. Bad eggs in the Council of Watchers allied to the tossers behind The Initiative. Whole nine yards.
After automatically assuming Quentin Travers was behind it, and a truly inspired five minute rant on what exactly should happen to the aforesaid Quentin Travers, she seemed almost let down that Wesley's unseen daddy was chief council bad guy.
Then there was a poof of smoke, some more carpet damage, and a happy looking Anyanka arrived in the room. "One excel spread sheet designer who will now sneeze every time he changes cells. So all yours Rupie," and she sat on the bed beside him, Girl makes a good entrance, and asks, "what's up Rupert?" Repeats exposition, does not pass go, does not collect 200 pounds.
During the repeat Buffy goes "eep". I can see the cogs working, and by the time Giles has finished the explanation to Anyanka she's ready to contribute. "Giles, you said the guys behind The Initiative are the bad guys. So if demon hunters with un-naturally perfect wives come to Sunnydale to hunt a demon that's almost extinct yet breeds exponentially something might just be wrong?"
"Duh!" from me.
"Look at the lack of logic Buffy. Of course something is wrong with that scenario." From a Giles able to see the woods for the trees.
"And if said demon hunter was off to Nepal that might be a bad thing. Even if said un-naturally perfect wife didn't fall off the helicopter line?"
"Nepal! Oh bugger! Shambala! The bastards are going after Shambala!" At which Giles went into a long swearing session in more languages than I know, and that is 37.
Buffy went blank at the mention of Shambala. Anyanka decides to enlighten her, which is fortunate 'coz I don't know what it is, and why Giles is too riled up to tell us.
"Shamala, also known as Shangri-La. They made a film about the myth. Looked pretty, got most things wrong. But humans do that. In reality it's the home of the re-incarnated Tibetan Buddhist lamas who guard some of the eternal truths. Warded against the un-enlightened perceiving it. Entrances vary. Mainly in Tibet, but there are also routes to it from Nepal. I've never been there. It's one of the things we are told to avoid, like The Guardian."
At which Giles stopped swearing and said "The Guardian. Bugger! We have to take you to Tanzania for that epiphany he said you need. But Nepal is due for the monsoon soon. God, which one first? Tanzania or Nepal?"
"Rupie, don't forget the rules. Don't mess with the Guardian! He might hurt you, and then I'd be all sad and everything."
"Not a bloke to let down mate". Not keen for her to go through anything like I did. But if that bloke thinks it's necessary, after what he did for me, we go back to Tanzania.
"Giles, what's the damage with the whole monsoon thing?" from Buffy.
"Rain so hard you'd be drier in a swimming pool, that lasts for weeks. We'll have to do some trekking to get to Shambala, as it's warded against portals or apparating. Rain plus trekking equals leeches. Lots of leeches."
"Ewwwwwwww. Hey, I saw them on your Blackadder tapes. They are mini-vamps right. I could stake 'em!" Really shouldn't have got those tapes out when I was staying with Rupert. Anya's stories about the creative uses of leeches and wishes did not make for a happy pizza session. Even the Whelp only ate half of his.
"For future reference Buffy. Not staking, no pulling them off either. The heads stay in the skin, and cause infections.
"Ewwwwwwwwwww." Do wish Californians had a wider range of words expressing disgust. I mean proper English has shed-loads. Eww does get a tad monotonous.
"Use a lighter, a lit cigarette or salt. All of which don't go well with the monsoon. Poor Ethan, I remember…" All of us were looking at him waiting for more Ripper tales, when he realised he was incriminating himself. So deftly changing subjects Watcher-Boy continued. "Samuel works fast. Shouldn't take long. Nepal might take much longer, and if Samuel thinks it's necessary it is. So, off to Tanzania it is then. If everyone could pack and be back in half an hour. Anya dear, would you mind opening a portal?"
"Of course not Rupie. We can go and look at the nice animals while The Guardian torments her. It'll be romantic!" At which he looked somewhat taken aback. But being Rupert he gathered himself together, kissed her forehead, and soothed Buffy, who'd looked scared again.
"Buffy, just an epiphany, no torments. Just healing and what you need, if not always what we want."
"Ok," she said in a small voice.
The girls went off to pack, while Rupert went downstairs to pay the bill. If it was up to me, we'd have played Aussie Rules and just done a runner. Might be re-tuned, but it'd still be fun. Guess this new me thing is still a bit of a work in progress. Course doing a runner is still better than eating the desk clerk as a checkout procedure.
Half an hour later I'm carrying the bags out to the alley. Guess Rupert doesn't wanna risk a fire from more singed carpet. Think Anyanka has been buying stuff, as well as Buffy and me, coz these bags are definitely heavier.