An Englishman Abroad - Chapter Fifteen
Laden down with the shopping as I am, we head towards the wider streets and the possibility of a cab. I love cabs. I mean I love walking and exploring places I've never, ever been, or places I haven't been for ages. But cabs are truly wonderful. Especially when shopping with your girl.
We got back to the hotel and I dropped the shopping back in Giles and my room. Anyanka had already been there. I could see some white garment things. I could hear her next door in the shower. Nope couldn't hear Rupert. Can't be back yet. We looked at each other. There was a softness in her eyes, and a lot of worries about tonight. Must have been too much for her, and she bolted into her room. Then I could her yelling to Anya. Wish those two could get on.
Headed into the shower before Rupert could arrive and followed Dad's instructions. Not keen about the no hair products directive though. Like to keep the curls under control. Got teased enough about 'em at boarding school.
Rupert arrives with a very large, and judging by the sweat and heart rate, very heavy bag. So I do the right thing and help him with it. Going to get the hang of this stuff. Can't kill me can it?
He showers and the girls come in to the room all shiny and fresh. He takes out our purchases. We get the look when he comes to the leather pouf. Then I explain who's prezzie it is and both him and Anyanka start giggling again. Like this new Giles. She's definitely good for him. Anyanka's shopping comes out next.
"I'm wearing a skirt?"
"A replica ancient Egyptian kilt Spike. And so am I."
"It's a skirt!"
"Don’t be so insecure. Good enough for Mel Gibson."
"Yeah and we both know how bleeding factually correct his films are."
"Quite."
"You read my family history. Grandad's family spent centuries fighting the Scots! Long and magnificent history of border battles!"
"I did. Your mums family were Scots!"
"They escaped! Lost the family estate after 1745! Ended up in the British Army overseas for generations. Besides only a bit!"
"Think of it as a sarong then. Good enough for David Beckham."
"Still think that was one of his dafter looks."
"I prefer the one in the new GQ covered in baby oil." Had to be Anya.
"Allright. I'll do it. But no photos!"
"Thank you Spike. Anya does yours fit?"
"Oh yes Rupie, and so does Buffy's. We checked earlier."
"And I'm still not happy about my outfit Rupie!" From Buffy. Must be what caused the yelling earlier.
"It's that, or go naked Buffy."
"I'm happy, I'm very happy, happy that's this Buffy."
We pack up and head downstairs and cab it to the pyramids.
***
Hadn't really realised how close they were. One minute city next minute really, really big pyramids. Then desert -.miles and miles of dessert. On minute 21st Century the other any time in the last few thousand.
Buffy's eyes were huge. "They're real. You see shows and films. They're huge! We're really here? Are we really here?
"Yes pet. We're really here. And we're gonna get you well."
Three giants. Two almost the same size. The slightly smaller one keeping some of its' smooth casing stones. The larger having been stripped long ago, and now looking like a giant stone staircase to the heavens. The smallest with a gaping gash, where a long ago ruler must have tried to destroy what he couldn't live up to. Small pyramids, more ruinous in front of the giants. And the Sphinx. Guarding the pyramids and their secrets.
We all spent a couple of hours looking around. Though we couldn't go in any of the pyramids, don't want anything to go wrong tonight. Still having problems believing I'm here. Doing this, and doing it in the sun. But wouldn't change it.
***
It was almost dark by now and since we can't drink anything or go into the pyramid until much later, Giles paid and we headed off to the Sun et Lumiere show. Cheesy but Buffy was blown away and when the voice came from the Sphinx even I was impressed. When it finished we avoided the tourists in the dark and waited near the Great Pyramid.
"We will have to be discreet about being seen entering. Low profile everyone."
"Why Giles?" asked Buffy.
"Oh what with the terrorist risk…increased security, new-agers looking for secret chambers that sort of thing."
"So are there any secret chambers? Inquiring vampires want to know?"
"Oh yes. Council emptied them at the time of Alexander though."
"Mmpff! Unlive and learn!"
"So can't put the lights on, hence the torches. Once we start the ritual we must only use the candles."
***
Giles took the key and opened the pyramid. We went inside and switched on the torches. At first the narrow tunnel went downwards. The passage was low, and both Giles and me were crouched right over. Even Buffy was hunched over slightly, but was looking distinctly smug at Giles and my obvious discomfort.
"At last I find the one advantage in life of being short!"
We both glared.
"You still fall into freezer cabinets at the supermarket!" Couldn't help myself on that one. Honestly you should have seen her face when she clambered out.
Anyanka was better off than Giles or me, but being a bit taller than Buffy was still suffering. Ok most people outside the 7 dwarfs are taller than Buffy. So I ask. "Anyanka why aren't you just zapping yourself to the chamber? Surprised your putting up with the crab-walk from hell?"
"Wish I could. My neck hurts. It’s impossible in here though. It's still warded."
After about 65 feet we moved into an upwards passage, easier on the knees but still not that much over 4 feet in height. Carrying big heavy bags, as Giles and I were, it hurt. The things we do for love. This torment went on for over 130 feet before we were able to stand up straight. We had got to the Grand Gallery. It was narrow and as it was a corbelled roof it only got narrower. With only the lights from the torches it was well eerie.
"OK, at this stage we go to the Queen's Chamber, so it's the smaller straight passage" from the Watcher. So we all headed there. The sheer weight of the stone overhead and the flickering of the lights felt oppressive, and the silence just made it all feel worse.
***
Giles and Anyanka took out 4 of the candles. Thick heavy candles that are going to last. The perfumed oil was next. She then took out the white cloth. It had been cut into strips about 6 inches wide. Buffy was starting to breathe faster and look petrified. This is not gonna be fun.
Anyanka and Giles set up candles at each cardinal point of the room, and then placed a small statue of Osiris in the niche in the wall.
"Spike, time for Anya to help Buffy change. Come on, sooner we get this done…Besides we have more supplies to take into the Kings Chamber."
Giles and I just look at each other. It's no easier on him than on me, but we gotta be strong, for her. Her heart rate is scaring the demon right out of me. Gotta do something. I gently rest my hands on her shoulders and look her straight in the eyes. "It's gonna be ok luv, you know that, don't you?"
She nodded, eyes brimming, but with no tears falling. Giles patted her awkwardly on the back. He's getting better at combining being Giles and public displays of affection, but it's still hard for him. So we left the girls to it and retired to the Grand Gallery with the other bag.
***
On entering the Kings Chamber, despite the dim light, the open granite sarcophagus dominated the room. I'm scared, don't mind confessing it, and I sleep on the things sometimes. Just don't like the mojo. Giles is looking scared too, in an "I'm English and a Watcher so nobody is gonna know I'm petrified this isn't gonna work, and we're gonna summon some ancient deity that's gonna tear us a new one for waking 'em up" sort of a way.
So we both do the national stereotype bit and suck it up and get things done. Hey, its' worked for centuries, why stop now? More candles at the cardinal points. A small statue of Horus placed by the east wall.
"Now we change too."
"The short white sarong things?"
"Yep but not in this room. Back down to where we entered the Grand Gallery."
So we hacked back down the slope and got changed. The girls clothes were already there, in neat piles. Must have been placed there by Anyanka, the scent of fear on Buffy's wouldn't make for that level of neatness.
We look at each other, nod and walk back into the Queen's Chamber. Anyanka was in a longer version of the white sarong me and Giles were sporting. Buffy was in a white bikini, and was staring to shiver despite the heat that's built up in here during the day. Giles gave Anyanka an Isis mask, handed an Anubis one to me and took the Osiris one for himself. We put them on and Giles lit the candles and switched off the torches.
***
"Isis, Mistress of the Pyramid anoint the dead!" Intoned the Osiris Watcher.
She took the perfumed oil, we'd bought in the little perfume shop, and started to rub it all over Buffy. I never get the fun jobs.
"Annubis, Master of the Embalmers shroud the dead".
I take the fabric strips and start to wind them around Buffy's limbs. I start at each foot and move upwards, then the hands and arms, each limb separate as per earlier, exhaustive instructions from Giles. Buffy's heart rate is really worrying me, but I know I gotta do it, or she'll die. I wind the strips round her far too thin torso, stopping before the heart.
"Isis, place the Heart Scarab, the seat of Maat." Anyanka placed a big stone scarab over her heart and then I bound it in. Then I bound her arms across her chest in the traditional pose, and moved on to her head. This had to be loose so she could breathe, but also had to cover her completely. I finished, my hands shaking.
"Osiris the Conqueror of Death, we take your child Buffy to the devourer."
Anyanka lit a single candle, and carrying it moved out of the chamber.
Giles and I carried the shrouded figure of Buffy right behind her and we processed in silence up the Grand Gallery to the Kings Chamber. Anyanka lit the candles in there.
"Behold the devourer! The route to re-birth!" said Scary Giles to the empty sarcophagus. We placed her in the tomb. This has got to be hard on her. Thank god there is no lid. Not sure I could do this within a year of climbing out of my own grave.
"Osiris behold your child! Make her whole! Behold your beloved Isis, Mother of Mysteries. Behold your Dark Son Annubis. Return to us the Horus Buffy. Justified no longer but alive and complete!"
He took the small wooden statue, which had given Buffy the warm woozy feeling in the museum, and placed it directly over her heart.
"Osiris return to the Horus Buffy the ba! Horus behold thy Mother Isis, thy Father Osiris! Look on thy Sister the Horus Buffy. Intercede with thy Father and thy Mother! Osiris Lord of the Dead! Make her whole! Restore her! No longer split between the living and the dead! Restore the ba!"
The candles all flamed straight up, a warm wind brushed past me and the little statue glowed. It might have been the flickering candlelight but I'm sure the little human headed bird on the little statue nodded.