An Englishman Abroad - Chapter Eleven
I hailed a cab and told the guy to take us to the Khan el Khalili bazaar. We drove past the skyscrapers and a traffic island with a huge statue of Ramses. Pretty sure must be Ramses - most statues in Egypt seem to be, least they were when I was down in Luxor last time I was here. She's holding hard onto my arm. No seatbelts, and her first experience of third world driving conditions, she's doing well. Hasn't started gibbering yet.
A number of missed lights, near misses with pedestrians and donkeys later we get there. The roads got seriously narrow. With all the stalls and people milling around driver did a good job, and achieved a zero body count. Will deserve a little baksheesh.
I tell the guy to stop at a tea-house first. Gonna need some caffeine before introducing Buffy to the delights of haggling as an integral part of the shopping experience. Don't want her breaking her "I don't kill humans except as self defence from loony Knights, duck. Or worse, me.
We get a table. She's still stressed and hasn't let go of the leather yet. Got the thousand yard stare of culture shock. It's not easy but I manage to get her sat down. Bit of a change from the Sunnydale Mall though, must admit. Love it!
It's all men sitting in the café, overlooking the busy shoppers. Women must be out doing all the work. Way the world's always worked I suppose. Not fair neither. Blokes in here, and on the streets, are wearing a mixture of western clothes and the long robes and headgear. Since it's bloody hot must be cooler in the robes. Donkeys and cars both taking over the narrow street, but there seems to be an underlying order to the wonderful chaos. Can't see any tourists. Should be able to get some good stuff if I can get Buffy to be patient enough to haggle properly. That might be tough.
She's eases her grip long enough for me to give the order to the waiter. Order her a mango juice, can't be healthy drinking all that coke all the time, and get coffee and a sheesha for me.
As the drinks and water pipe arrive the stirr we caused by walking in passes, and the blokes return to chatting, smoking, and playing backgammon.
"You're smoking a bong!"
"Sheesha pet, not a Hookah. Tobacco soaked in honey, taken through a water pipe, lovely and smooth. Haven't had it for years. Can try if you want?"
"World of no. Is it good?"
"Superb, and was in dire need."
"Hooker? Strange names here?"
"No pet. Hookah with an h. Hash smokin' toy, rather than lady of easy virtue."
"It's all so strange. All the people, those thin towery things"
"Minarets luv."
"The smells."
"Takes me right back."
"Uh"
"Eau de donkey here, horses and carriages when I was growin' up. Looks pretty on the telly, but…"
"All the stalls! All those herbs and spices. Tara…"
Tearing up again. Know how she feels. Glinda would enjoy herself here, I think. Loved art and remember talking with her over the summer about some of the places I'd been, and some of the things I've seen over the years. She'd have loved the museum, and been in her element browsing the heaps of spices. Made great cakes too. Miss her.
"I know. Miss her too. We'll enjoy it for her, pet. Tara." And we raised our drinks to the good witch.
"Watcha drinking. Not beer, and doesn't look like tea. Neither a Spike nor an Englishman drink?"
"Turkish coffee luv. Strongest in the world, they say. Dunno. Tried cafezinhos in Brazil, expressos in Milan, might be right. Tea's too strong and too sugary here. Besides Brits don't just drink tea! That's cultural stereotyping! That is! But this sets you right up. Try some?"
"UH, Grit!" She grabbs her juice and drains it. I motion the waiter for more.
"Gotta take it slow. Sip, Let things settle down. Then it's great. Lots of shopping energy."
"Great, hyper-caffeinated Spike. But that means lots of bag carrying energy right?"
"Yep, but food first. Some nice kebabs ok?"
They were, so we munched away and soaked in the atmosphere. No more fainting fits, now we were away from the museum. Hope Rupert got the note. Hope he's gonna be ok. This thing with Anyanka ain't gonna be easy on his worldview, and the practicalities are gonna be tough too. Know he loves her though. See it every time he looks at her. But I hope they can make it. We're gonna - eventually.
***
Nibblet prezzie shopping started well.
We walked round the narrow streets inhaling the scents and atmosphere. For a vampire, and a slayer, that's pretty intense by itself. Arabian Nights meets 21st Century poor country. The density of people and the sheer contrast to 21st Century California must have been a bit of a shock for Buffy but she was coping well. Nice to see her taking an interest in anything actually. Been too long.
Wearing a headscarf and some of the baggiest clothes I've ever seen her in, (probably Tara's) she wasn't getting too much hassle. I suspect my looking like I'd eat anyone hurting her might also have something to do with it. Never wanted to hurt her, not letting anyone else.
Know it can get pretty annoying, especially if not dressed for the culture. Got dead annoying for Darla, know that. She got fed up of eating pests. It's rather difficult in public when you're trying to keep a low profile. She got a pair of wedding rings and made me wear the other one. Definitely not one of my fonder memories. Princess was well annoyed with GrandMum.
***
Then we saw the cat statue. Copy of one in the museum. Very elegant. More of a dog person myself. There was a nice Annubis in the little shop too. Looked like a Doberman, always liked them. Misunderstood breed. Miss having a dog, but they perceive "predator" and it's not good. Nibblet would love the cat. I wouldn't mind the dog. If nothing comes of all this I want something to remind me of Cairo and just this…walking and talking, together.
So we start the bargaining.
20 minutes in, the mint tea arrives and the price has been shaved down from farcical to merely ludicrous.
She's learning fast. Girl was born to shop. Finds the mint tea bit sweet though.
But it just drives her to further haggling heights. Criticises the workmanship, the materials, and the price. And it's still at an early stage yet. Girl has a talent for criticism.
After an hour the price is about half the original, but still nowhere near what it should be. So I throw in a slight interest in the dog.
She gives me the glare but dives straight back in.
More mint tea.
After an hour and a half both statues are half the original price of the one. Guy isn't budging.
So we stand up to go.
Shopkeeper's good. We get to the door and the price drops again.
More mint tea. Gonna be swimming in the stuff. Fortunately the shopkeeper is keeping me in fags or I'd be desperate here.
Just before the two hour mark. Result. Two very nice statues wrapped to go, at a very reasonable price. Just got the Watcher, the demon, and the shaman to get something for now. Hope we're here long enough!
"We should let Giles know where we are. But I don't want to stop now. Not fair." Followed by the pout.
I'm doomed.
I have an idea. Yes, I know those can be dangerous. But this was a good one.
"Anyanka!!!"
Puff of smoke, and she appears.
Shopkeeper runs out screaming, "Djinn, djinn, djinn.
Ok maybe it wasn't a perfect idea.
***
"You summoned me? Oh Spike! Buffy! Ooh! Nice statues and the jewellery here is good too. Wonder what the profit margins are?"
"Sorry to disturb you."
"No problem. One journalist no longer able to read and write. Quite an inspired wish, that one. So job done. My time is free at the moment. You called?"
"We want to be able to stay in touch with Giles. Could you do something you know magical, or something."
"Better than that. 21st Century. Wish for a triband mobile phone for you, Buffy and Giles. Works everywhere, and the sort I can grant don’t incur bills."
"I could kiss you!" Glare plus eye roll. Bugger. Mouth foot thing again. "Not that I would of course in any sense but that of friends, coz that's all we want to be. Right pet."
"Of course. Now wish and I can take Giles one to him. I might have to spend lots of time showing him how to use it."
So I wished. We swapped numbers. Fiddled with ring tones and she apparrated off to Giles. Hope that too many of his archaeologist mates don't have heart attacks when she appears.
***
I'm in trouble. She's still glaring. Never had a chance to clear that up. But we're gonna. And where we can't hurt each other.
We exit the back, in case of irate, shocked shopkeepers. Head off to a little café and take a back table away from view of the street. Helps after all that mint tea that she needs the loo.
Goes. Comes back looking somewhat blanched.
Sits. Waits. Bugger. Ok hear goes the Anya thing out of the issues stack.
"Buffy, you know that was just a figure of speech right? We are just friends. Nothing more. Just a one time thing. Two hurt and needy people needing some affirmation that anyone thought they were worth something. A mistake. Not meant to hurt anyone. Just stop the pain for a moment."
Silence. This is not good. When in a hole keep digging. Never worked but hey, one day, maybe. On the plus side she hasn't thrown anything at me - yet.
"I don't love her. Like her as a friend. Gotta lot in common after-all. She doesn't love me either. Think she thinks of me as a friend. Hope so. But she doesn't love me. She loved the whelp, but he shattered her. She loves Giles now. I think. Know her loves her."
Mouth open. Jaw hitting floor and heart racing. "God! I am so oblivious Buffy. I missed so much. Willow going all wonky. Xander going all wedding avoidy. Dawn stealing. He's my watcher. I should have noticed."
"Bit busy with the whole coming back from heaven thing, pet. Got an excuse. Besides, Watcher-Boy is good at hiding things. Missed it myself. Only realised down in Tanzania, when he went ballistic."
"it's why he didn't come to the wedding isn't it? Thought demon hunting was a lame excuse but…God I was so self-centred. I drive him away with my remarkable self-involvement and everything goes keplooy."
To be fair she hasn't got fixed yet, let alone epiphanied so I'll let that one slide.
"Maybe you didn't help. But it's not your fault luv. Lots of things going on that kept him away. Nothing to do with you. He'll tell you later, when you’re all well again. Do think it's why he couldn't face the wedding though. Never easy to see the woman you love with another man. Especially if you care for the bloke too."
"No, can’t be I guess. Poor Giles, poor Anya, poor Xander."
"Have to disagree on the last one pet. Made his own hell there. But, yes I'll play nice. Know we don’t agree on him. But hope those two can make it. Want them both happy. Think they can be together, even if it ain't easy."
"Not easy at all. But I do want him to be happy. God, what I put him through over the years. Jenny…the Initiative. I'm not gonna stop hurting for Xander. He's my friend. But Giles deserves to be happy. So non-judgementy girl.here." She sits up straight. "If she makes him happy, I'll try."
"Know that'll mean the world to him pet. Don’t expect you not to hurt for your friends. Loyalty to 'em. Always admired it."
***
Phone trills "Three Lions on My Shirt". Hey! World cup coming up, and I like that one.
It was a rather flustered sounding Giles asking us to meet them at a restaurant near the Al Azhar mosque. So we left.