An Englishman Abroad - Chapter Ten
All three of us headed off to the museum straight after a nice big breakfast. Since it was just over the road we were able to linger over brekky. It was nice. Even got to read the morning papers. Very civilised. Only one minor dispute with Giles over who got The Times first over the Tribune.
***
"Mm. Fifty centuries of recorded history. Can't you just feel it." Honestly if history was an addictive substance you'd think Watcher-Boy had just done a couple of lines of Colombia's finest.
"Last time I went to a museum an Inca Mummy Girl tried to suck the life out of Xander."
"And you stopped her!" You try resisting that one.
"Spike! Trying to be conversation girl here. We did sort of get out of the habit."
"I know. I missed it. Wasn't for lack of me trying though. But… peace, pet. Tell me about it." So she did. Whelp certainly always has been a demon magnet. Still think she should have let the preying mantis have him. But then again… No. Definitely no propagation of the Harris genes should be permitted, for the sake of the future of any species.
"Know what you mean though, luv. Hate mummies. Nasty buggers. Especially the flesh eaters. Yuk. Don't wanna come across any of them again in this un-life."
"With both your histories in mind then, please avoid the Mummy Room. We really don't want to have to do any slaying, or cause an international incident. Low profile. Do the tourist thing. I need to go and see a couple of old dig friends here before my appointment with Khalid. If I don't I'll never hear the end of it. Besides there are some other things we need, that they can provide. So I'll either see you back at the hotel or I'll leave a message in the room. If you have to leave do the same. Enjoy."
***
So... here we are… together. In what can only be described as the biggest, most stuffed warehouse of ancient Egyptian artefacts on the planet. Not exactly where anyone would probably put us for a 'date' after everything that's gone on maybe.
It works though. There's so much to see we don't have to have 'the talk'. You can tell it's coming though. Like thunder you can taste it in the air. But always been one to make the most of the moment. This is definitely taking me back to museum visiting with Mama and my youngest sister, Lizzie. They both loved the British Museum and we used to go regular. So I know something about all this, and what I don't know, or remember, is on the notices by the objects.
I tell Buffy about that. She's so stumped at the thought of me having a family, and one that enjoyed going to museums, that she's silent from the proto-dynastic period right through to the Old Kingdom.
We sat down in front of a pair of incredibly lifelike full size statues. Rahotep and Nofret, it says. Prince of Egypt and his wife at the time of the building of the pyramids, and still together. Thousands of years together wouldn't be enough, but I'd take one year as a start. Blindingly white kilt for him, and long white robe for her. Think I'll stick to the leather. Hiding her hair under a wig. No more hiding, not for either of us. Rock crystal eyes stare right into me. Wonder if they see me, or just a thing? Wonder if she does. Not sure I want to know, but know I need to. Not yet though. Need to get comfortable together first.
There's cute statues that make her laugh. The dwarf and his full sized family. Not politically correct, not that that's ever bothered me, but it's so good to see her laugh. Some of the pharoah statues are of solid granite and basalt. She's feeling the six-packs on the statues, and I swear I see her doing a compare and contrast with mine. From the look of her I'm ahead on points.
We pass Nefertiti and Akenaten - weird looking bloke - on the stairs. She's taken with Nefertiti and asks if the famous head is here. Tell her how I saw it in Berlin when it first arrived, and how Hitler refused to let it go coz she was so beautiful and 'Aryan'. Tosser! We got the Sphinx's beard in the British Museum, think he got the better deal. Though the Elgin Marbles ain't bad.
Once she finds Hatshepsut, the female pharaoh who ruled for eighteen years and got her boyfriend to mind the kid, Nefertiti drops well down the charts. Better bear that in mind. Hell, knew all the whole girl power thing anyway. Just as long as she doesn't insist on wearing a false beard! A kilt and topless I could probably learn to live with.
Upstairs we hit the jewellery room. So much gold, so many gemstones, and semi-precious stones: she's in girly heaven.
"Dawn would love this. Look at this tiara! It's so delicate, and so pretty. 12th dynasty, that's ages ago right? Looks so now though."
"Yep, thousands of years old and still sparkly. Little Bit certainly would love this room. Have to keep hold of her sticky fingers though."
"It's your fault you know."
"Oh no. She was out nickin' stuff well before I got to know her, and never taught her owt about it neither. Nope. Not pinning that on me. Not solely anyway. We all should have done better by her. Wanted to. You wouldn't let me see her, not after…"
She continues to surprise me. "You're right. Especially if she doesn't have any kind of soul! God! Spike what do we tell her? How do I talk to her? She wanted to know more about who she is. How do I tell her this?"
I grip her shoulders and look into those huge eyes. "Soul ain't be all and end all. Still the same Dawn. We just know now she doesn't have anything influencing her to be bad or good, she can still be ok. We all can. I got a re-tune on my moral compass, so I don’t have any push towards dumbass bad plans anymore. It's a good feeling to be free of that push in the veins. But I got tuned to neutral, luv. If Dawn hasn't got a compass at all we can get her to internalise one. Good, or neutral…,up to her. Free will, and a positive example. All we can do really. But above all gotta be honest with the bit. She's smart, she'll cry, she'll screech, she'll cope. And you know how? Coz we'll both help her. Been re-tuned, it hurt. She don't have to hurt. Not if we do it right."
She nods.
Tears welling in her eyes, but not falling, we left the jewellery room for the death masks. Huge heavy things. Glad didn't have one of those on when they did me.
***
We come to the King Tut exhibits. Shedloads of 'em. Can see the shrine things they all came in. Beats Anya for gift wrapping skills. Talk about fitting a quart into a pint pot.
She's easing. Visibly relaxing. We come to one display case. There's lots of smaller pieces in it. But she's only looking at one. It’s a little wooden mummy with two small birds whose wings cross over the body.
"Look, isn't it beautiful. How delicate the birds are." It's true. There's no gold on this. You can see the wood-grain. Even the band of hieroglyphics round the mummy is utterly simple. It's one of the simplest things I've seen in a museum stuffed beyond belief with treasures. But this is so full of feeling it looks like a gift of someone who truly cared. The two little birds' wings cross so carefully; looks like they don't want to wake the person, just keep him safe, keep him warm.
"I feel. I feel warm. Why do I feel warm? Oh, weird! No. Oh, feeling dizzy."
She slumps a bit and I drag her away from the case. No more strange mojo for my girl. As we get away from the case she shakes her head and whatever it was clears.
***
"Ok now that was weird. What was that Spike?"
"Dunno luv. But looks best to be away from it. Not keen on the old mojo."
So we go into the room off the corridor. It's a big one, in all senses. More gold than I've ever seen and stuff familiar from the papers and the telly over the years. Tut's gold coffins, enough jewellery to keep Peaches in hair gel for centuries, and the famous death mask. Three gold coffins, and a really heavy gold and lapis mask. Somebody really didn't want him getting out. The work though is amazing, and I've seen a few things in my time.
She's looking into the face of the death mask. Her eyes aren’t blinking but the frown is deepening between her brows.
"My head! Ow. My head." She's clutching her head in pain and slumping again. OK no more culture we’re out of here. So I pick her up and carry her out of the museum.
***
So, after my Rhett Butler impression, we get outside and she perks up. So I help her stand up and we go across to the hotel. I sit her in her room with a coke from the mini-bar, and go next-door to write a note to Giles. Not an easy one, what with worrying about all that weird stuff. It takes a while. But I know he needs to know what happened to help her. I take the hat and return to my girl.
The coke's worked. She laughs.
"It's purple! Why are you wearing a purple hat?"
Grr.Arggh. "Blame Watcher-Boy, he insisted. Incognito and no sunburn an all that! Besides you don't get away scot-free!" I pick up a headscarf draped over the chair and put it on her. "Dad's fault, right luv?"
"No fair!"
"Least we agree on something. Come on. Lunch!" Girl needs a bit of meat on her bones. I need a fag…badly.
"Fresh air first?"
"OK, pet. Nile sound good to you?"
It did and we braved the traffic and slavering hoards of pedestrians, hawkers and there it was. The Nile.
***
"You know luv. Done most of the big rivers in my time. Played dominoes on the river boats of the Amazon. Had fun with the 'gators and voodoo priestesses on the Mississippi. Lived and died near Old Father Thames. Danced on the bridges over the Seine. Even went for a dip in the Ganges."
"Knew you were nuts!"
"Upper reaches, pet. Still pretty fast. Not totally gone. But this is special. You being here, an all. Walk with me?" I offer an arm like Mama taught me so long ago. Surprises don't stop. She takes it and we walk beside the river.
"It's bluer in daylight."
"Colours change. Lot's of things change." I certainly have.
"You have. I still can't get over seeing you in daylight, and no flaming blankets in sight! Though that hat!"
"Certainly have luv. Much prefer this to last time we were in the sun though. Said some nasty things. They weren't fair. Was jealous of that tosser, I 'spose. Didn't realise it at the time."
"S'OK. Maybe my thing about you losing a bet to be with Harmony was a bit…harsh? No. Not the right word. But, hey, not good at being talky girl"
"You were pretty right about it though." Really must swear off drinking too much at some point. Especially after being dumped. That was a bad hangover to wake up to when combined with excessive Harm perkiness.
"Not the worst though."
Oh bugger. Don't think I can do that part of the talk. Not ready, nope, definitely not ready. But, if I have to get down on my knees right here on the Corniche in front of everyone I'll do it.
"The Judge! Spike what were you thinking! Especially with all the Acathla helpage. I've never understood that one."
There is a deity looking after de-chipped, re-tuned vampires with issues.
"I was depressed!"
She's just looking at me. Enormous eyes she's got.
"Dru wanted the bits. Could never bear to let the woman I loved down. Couldn't do it for 147 days, spent over a century doing it for Dru. Besides, knew you'd take the Big Blue Smurf down. Would have loved to see you with the grenade launcher! Hey! Why didn't we use it on that bitch Glory?"
"Xander took it back to the base, and he can't remember the access codes anymore."
"Always knew he was a waste of space."
"Play nice!"
"OK, I'll try. Come on luv, lunch! Local cuisine an all that. Then prezzie shopping for the bit!"