An Englishman Abroad - Chapter Three
"I've seen the world get smaller over my lifetime. Look at the village. The ceremonial hut is made of dried grass, wood and daub, but most of the buildings have pre-fabricated metal roofs.
"We are in a game reserve the size of one of the smaller European countries, but its still a reserve. The people are still here though, and there's more outside. They're mixing with the tourists, following the progress of the Premiership, and drinking coke. Burger King isn't here yet, but give it a few decades.
"The big tourist chains already have luxury safari lodges on the crater edge. And you know - part of that is a good thing. We don't have the right to deny the local people the things we take for granted, and you can't share the benefits of modern medicine and deny them the rest, just because we think it's picturesque."
"Know what you mean, mate. World certainly has got smaller.
"'Zulu' was on the telly just before I came over here. Michael Caine is the man in that pic! You know, Rorke's rift was the year before I was turned. Big news, parades, everything. Took Dru to see the film when it came out. All that slaughter - she loved it. Course, it had taken me several years, and lots of dead cinemagoers, to teach her that the pictures on the screen weren't like her visions.
"But, yes. I went to Citibank in Nairobi to get some local currency and drove past adverts for Japanese cars on the road out of town. Which was weird considering there were giraffes grazing by the side of the road.
"Remember the whole thing; saw some of it in the flesh. Cape to Cairo. Opening up East Africa. Putting down the slave trade in Zanzibar. Not that it seemed to do the Chinese much good when we were there for the Boxer Rebellion! All those parks with no dogs or Chinese signs - don't blame 'em for being pissed off!
"War. Height of Empire, more War, end of Empire, Independence, Cold War, and now here we are. But for all the World is smaller not much changes. Did your research show my uncle getting a medal, and a grave, in the Second Afghan War in 1878? Mother only just got out of mourning for him before putting it back on for me."
"It did. We can discuss historical parallels to current affairs going back to Alexander 'til the cows come home, and I think we'd both enjoy it. But events are moving elsewhere, and we need to focus.
"I came here searching for answers. Last year Buffy wanted to know more about the origin of the Slayers. I confess I wanted to know more too. I gave her what I had. It wasn't much. Even though the Watcher's Council has some of the oldest written texts in the world.
"The British Museum, the Louvre, the Pergamon and the Vatican even, would kill just to see our collections. There are tablets so old even we cannot translate them. They are the works of our ancestors and predecessors. They cover legends, events and facts handed down verbally over countless generations before humans first tried to write their thoughts."
"Same as how Homer got passed on, so we got Odysseus, Troy and The Iliad, right? Always liked him, 'the face that launched a thousand ships and burnt the topless towers of Illium, sweet Helen make me immortal with a kiss!'"
"Just the same with a lot less sex and a similar level of violence. But the Watchers have always remained close to the most stable and powerful rulers of the day. When you've accumulated some of the most powerful magical artefacts on the planet, bred the Watcher lines for brains, magical power and sheer ruthlessness, it's not exactly difficult. That hasn't changed. We may have the main base now in the UK, but it's by no means the only one. And with modern communications location is less important.
In doing further research I found some of the Council were working with elements of the US Government. Hence the Initiative. How do you think they knew what they were hunting? The Time Life series?"
"So its all your lots' fault! I bloody knew it. Plastic stakes, headaches Marie Antoinette would envy, being starved, turned into a lab rat, helpless to defend myself, used, abused, insulted by wankers I wouldn't have deigned to bite. Turned into a shadow of my own former self, and its all your bloody fault! And the US military/ industrial/ governmental cabal of course. Knew I shouldn't have eaten all those Vietnam peace protesters back in 1970!"
"First of all, you daft sod. It was your own fault for coming back from LA to go after Buffy. Though strictly between the two of us I did rather like the red-hot pokers bit on Angel. Cordelia told me about it. Don't suppose you videoed it?"
"Tragically not. Should have done, but I always get the little buttons muddled up. Besides the sound track would have been ruined by that bleeding Mozart, not to mention that git, Marcus."
"And as for your recent suffering, the word karma leaps to mind. I think only your helping avert three apocalypses has lightened it to the point you can move forwards now. Besides it wasn't my friends working with those berks behind the Initiative. Quite the contrary, they kept it all very quiet from most of us. Didn't even tell Quentin."
"No? From what Buffy has said about "the epit-gnome of evil" I thought he would be all for it?"
"He does tend to come across like that. But he is really trying to keep things moving in a general fighting evil whilst maximising the paperwork sort of fashion. No, the chief conspirator in our own ranks is young Wesley's father. A complete swine of a man, I always thought. I think his own son getting fired, then going to work with a vampire - even a souled one - drove him over the edge."
***
"So what's their game plan? Soldier boys seemed to be out to create perfect, expendable, cannon fodder. What's their angle?"
"Complete destruction of all non human sentient life-forms, leaving only us and those animals deemed suitable for BBC wildlife documentaries, and the Discovery Channel. Though dolphins may survive the purge on the cuteness factor"
"Bloody hell. Why? And why now? No imminent apocalypse is there?"
"As we discussed earlier. The world gets smaller every day. Communication is instant and global. Truth gets out. The quieter demons that just want to be left alone won't be. So there'll be public yetis and Loch Ness monsters - charming chaps by the way, just rather too fond of scotch. Big Foot, the flying saucer demons and so on all exposed. Ok, those are all mostly harmless, people probably wouldn't panic.
But vampires, fyrals, m'fashnicks, chaos demons, all the cornucopia of demons out for blood and destruction. That would be quite a different thing. People would panic. Up to now we had had the power, and ability, to suppress the fact that they're out there. Denial spells have worked wonders in hot spots like the Hellmouth, and some of the larger cities where demons gather, like London and LA. But even these won't work soon. Too many people are getting immune. People will learn the truth, and many will panic, threatening the current world order."
"Perfectly happy to see the chaos demons exterminated. Yuk - all slime and antlers. Ooh, throw in the fungus demons too."
"Your friend, Clem. The one Dawn has written to me about. The half-demons, the harmless, the assimilated, and the good ones. If they succeed, even the Slayers - since their energy is demonic in origin. You."
"OK. Bad idea. On board with that. Where do I come in?"
"First of all, we are going for a drive. We'll pick up Samuel and then we are off to Lake Manyara. It’s a soda lake. Lovely colours, wonderful flamingos. Perfect for the next stage. Put the fire out and I’ll pack up. I'm driving."
***
One long landrover ride back to the village, over the top of the crater, through some heavily forested areas, back through some more huge plains, yet more ruddy widebeest, and baboons making more baboons, we got to a stunning lake.
If I still wrote poetry I hate to think what rhymes I would have come up with for the turquoise of the water and the amazing pink of untold thousands of huge flamingos.
The three-way debate en-route over the relative merits of The Doors, Deep Purple, and The Clash was fun too. Listening to the tapes with the top down and the sun beaming in a nice non-fatal fashion was even better. Even if Giles did make me keep the bloody purple fedora on, and slap on the sun-cream. Good to be with people with good musical taste.
One thing still wasn't good as we crossed the sand to the edge of the lake.
"Arggh, little buggers. Little professional solidarity here wouldn't go amiss. Who would have thought vampire blood would be so bloody popular. Feels like half the mosquitoes of the Great Rift Valley have come to the grand opening of that fashionable new restaurant Chez Spike! How come they aren’t laying a bite on you, Rupert? Understand not biting the locals, natural immunity an all that."
"Must see if you and Ethan are related, or have/had the same blood group. Do vampires have blood groups? Must find out. He would get eaten alive too.
"When we bummed off round India he spent most of the time we weren't stoned off our heads or hunting down really great - but very bad - spells looking for hydrocortisone cream. Then there was that dive of a hotel I picked in Bikaner where the air-con blew in mosquitoes instead of cool air. I never got a single bite. He looked like a blotchy pin-cushion. I think that's one of the reasons he hates me.
"Anyway, time for the next stage. You may be here for some time. Prey empathy lesson time. Don't climb the trees. The lions here can climb them too."