An Englishman Abroad - Chapter Two
"Quite! Does really require something of a Grateful Dead meets Led Zeppelin soundtrack I think."
Looks like Giles, seen the record collection, so sounds like Giles. That Planet Gong record confirms he must have done a lot of the good stuff in the pre-Tweed era. Haven't seen the Watcher Safari Collection before, but this does appear to be Giles. "What the bloody hell are you doing here! Thought you were back home, hiding under a very large rock from all we've heard from you recently. And by the way, still haven't forgiven you from walking away from the Slayer when she really needed you. Might have been able to talk some sense into her, Red, and the Whelp. Nobody else seems to be able to."
"Good to see you too, Spike."
"You aren't going to start cleaning your glasses anytime soon are you? Only can somebody get me a beer first? I'm stinking of funky herbs, I'm covered in mozzie bites. I just had a trip to the beginning of human time and evolution, swallowed something new even for me, and am still not sure what its done to me. All that and here's someone I thought was back home reading the Sun, getting a decent full English breakfast, and poncing about with the Council of Wankers. I'm hot, tired, confused and in need of somebody telling me what's going on. Sounds like the story of my life recently, come to think about it."
"Stay here." At which Giles headed off to the bar, chatting with the locals in Swahili on the way there and back. Seems to have been here a while. They all seemed to know him, and handed him two beers from the cold part of the fridge.
"Let's go outside and have a proper talk. It'll take a while and the music could prove distracting. There is a great view of the animals from by the water hole a few miles away. We'll take my landrover, as there is no way on earth I'm driving with you. Things haven't changed that much."
"Hey, I wasn't the one that crashed the winnebago! Sorry - all right! Anyway sun'll be up soon, and, Hello Vampire!"
"Come on. Samuel wouldn't let me do anything to hurt you, even if I did want to. And after all 'Band of Buggered' and all that."
"Thought you'd forgot that, all that never wanting my opinion and so on. Nope, who wants to listen to the evil, bloodsucking thing - especially when he's right!"
"Spike, I'm sorry for saying the not wanting your opinion. I was wrong. Two things I never want to have to say again. So come on, and we can talk about all this."
So, somewhat in shock, I grab the beers. Clambered into the landrover and we headed off down the track. The Watcher drove this a lot faster than the old winnebago, and soon we were sitting under a nice shady acacia tree, with a couple of cold ones.
Sometimes it's good to still be around you know. African dawn, huge colourful skies, pure air, vast plain within a huge volcanic crater, and enormous herds of animals. The elephants dominated the water hole much as the Slayer did the hell-mouth. But the zebras, wildebeest and gazelles all took their morning drinks before it got too hot, ahead of another busy morning trying to avoid getting eaten by the predators lurking in the background, so hey, back to the hell-mouth metaphor - and always fun to watch.
"OK, my head's clearing up now, and you haven't answered any of my questions."
"Answers, all right - in no particular order or any preferences. Some are longer than others."
"Hah! Whatever! Oh, wielder of the mighty answers. Just in case Alzheimer's has set in I will recap. How come you are here? Why haven't you been in touch? How do you know the shaman well enough to call him Samuel? I was told to address him as Shaman. What's happened to me? And I reserve the right for more questions, as I'm sure there will be a supplementary."
"Introduced his sister to her husband. He helped us with the Faith situation; you might have heard that story. The two of them were friends of mine during the Ethan period, but far too sensible to raise demons, didn't need to. So I count as family. The 'what I have been doing' will take a long time, and I will tell you later. You are after-all vital in it. But what has happened to you so far. I can show you."
He grabs my beer and pushes me out of the shade into the early morning sun.
I'm diving back to the shade when I realise I'm not smoking. Nope, not a singe, not a whiff of smoke. More to the point the early morning African sunshine actually feels pleasant, not too hot yet and at this altitude with a freshness all too lacking in the land of the combustion engine and people who can't seem to walk anywhere. Ok, in Sunnydale that is a valid survival choice after dark, but hey, I watch Jerry Springer, and I think I work with some of the only thin people in the States, Whelp notwithstanding.
***
"You utter, utter bastard. I should… Hey, why don't I want to tear your head off and play football with it? I should you know! For 120 years any git did that to me, that's what I'd want to do! Play the xylophone with your spinal column! What the bloody hell is happening to me? I don’t wanna do that."
"First of all put some of this on. I don't want to hear you whinging later on about getting sunburnt on top of the rest. And I really don't think 120 years of vampire-hood builds a base tan" And he tosses me some SPF 25, and reaches into a battered daypack. "And put this on."
"Its purple! I am not wearing a purple fedora. Man's gotta have some standards!"
"And a man also has to avoid a sunburnt nose and ears. Put it on. I don't need it anymore, already got the tan."
"Only if I finally get that bloody explanation. Getting impatient here, Watcher."
"OK. The reason you are not burning is a side effect of the Tear of The Mother you consumed earlier. You knew, I believe the Shaman could cure your affliction, so to speak. What was your affliction? Remind me."
"Bloody hell, Watcher, you know, you were around. Can't fight humans, can't defend myself. Can't save others from humans, no matter how hard I work through the pain. Can't be me. Can't live in a cage, gotta be me."
"That's part of it. The chip no longer works. You have what you say you want. But nothing works in isolation. The energy the chip emits cannot be destroyed, only transformed. I think it's this quantum mechanics thing that Hawkins chap talks about in 'A Short History of Time' - but I can't get past chapter three. Anyway, away from a poor choice of aeroplane reading material. Everything is part of a system. Did you ever wonder why vampires can't go sunbathing?"
"Umm, God, impurity, the usual dammed for all eternity bit leaps to mind."
"Blood. It is all down to blood in the end. You were right in the shop, damn! Again! Other demons can walk in sunlight. Vampires can't. You saw the genesis of the first vampire, so did I. It was imperfect, an accidental infection almost, not meant to be in nature. It was through the blood. That blood never became melded into a single form, it varies. I think that's why some vampire lineages produce powerful individuals, and others mindless killers. It is also unstable in the presence of energy such as the sun - hence vampire flambé.
What you are now is melded. You are still a vampire; nothing natural can reverse the fact you died in 1880. You will still need to drink blood but you won't crave it. There is no need to try and balance an unsolvable equation within your own veins anymore. That is part of why you don’t feel the need to eat me.
As for playing the xylophone with my spinal column. That is another effect of the Tear. Vampires lose their human soul, but the blood introduces another animating force, a demon soul if you will, a part of the original demon blended with Lilit. A force of mindless destruction joined with an unrestrained ID. That was the moral compass if you like, handed down to you and other vampires. That compass has been re-orientated."
"Hey, not part of the deal! I'm evil!"
"Package deal, Spike. And cut that out, we all know you haven't been evil for some time now. We all know it. Well, maybe not Xander. It's time to grow up. You got a longer adolescence than most of us, and free will is a responsibility you are ready for. I once spoke of a higher purpose of your chipping to you, and you scorned it. I don't think that would be the case now. I hope I'm right."
"Just don't tell me I'm supposed to start brooding. I may have to stake myself."
"It's set to neutral, Spike. Its not a curse, it's innate. Now go and get something to eat. And Spike - don’t eat the endangered species."
"Wildebeest - breakfast of champions, ten thousand lions cannot be wrong."
"Sounds tempting, actually. All those wildlife documentaries - must be something in it. I wonder… Mm my Swiss Army Knife, your lighter, tree present and correct. Spike, take the knife and cut off a few slices - time for a breakfast barbecue. I'll light a fire. Don't look so worried! You aren't as flammable now, about the same as me I think. Just like the sun bathing. Think of all those marshmallows you kept nagging me to buy - you can toast them over open fires now."
So we have ourselves a nice boy scout breakfast, while the vultures and hyenas fight it out over the rest of the carcass - very tasty, on both counts.
***
"OK, haven't forgotten here, mate! Why are you here and why did you abandon the Slayer when she needed you?"
"First of all, 'mate', I didn't abandon Buffy. I know she sees it that way, and that pains me more than I can either express and would to you anyway. But she does need to be her own woman, and a grown up, and she can't do that clinging on to me, her mother, or you for that matter.
I do know what's been going on. Anya is my business partner and an accurate, frequent, if somewhat blunt, correspondent.
Part of the terms of signing over a share of The Magic Box was that she would continue to send regular reports on all of you to me. Having to learn Outlook Express to get them was far from pleasant, but need's must. I'm not happy about what happened between you and Buffy, I can't pretend otherwise. I know you are a vampire, but I would have thought you could have handled things with Buffy much better."
"Hey."
"I know you took Buffy's lead. I still don't approve, but hell, Spike, you are older than she is, and I know over a century with a lunatic does not a good relationship understanding make, but I know you do know better. I know you love her. I don't approve, but I know you do love her. I have also been doing some research on the pre 'Spike' portion of your existence. Lydia has been most helpful."
"Oh great! I'm doomed!"
"Youngest son of the Bishop of Winchester, poet - very bad poet, only member of the Order of Aurelius whose family remained alive and sane. Devoted son and brother to his youngest sister - who was, admittedly, deranged enough to publish the surviving verse."
"Stake me now!"
"Spike, time to stop hiding who you are. It's not an option anymore. Don't worry you can tell Buffy and 'Nibblet' yourself. One tip - don't show them the poetry, I'm sure you might be able to do better now.
As I said, I didn't approve of a vampire/ Slayer relationship, after Angelus who would blame me. But you are different now.
Indeed, I think you always have been. In fact it would make a great epitaph for you - 'Here Lies Spike - I'm Different'. I think if you can build on the changes you have made, and the changes made in you now, I can approve. Just don't let me down - or yourself! You have a chance now."
"Not planning too Rupert. Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"Can't really do anything else after my own little trip with Samuel. Also I will only say this once. It's too much otherwise. Thanks for saving my life. Both during that summer, and for making that deal with Buffy that stopped Angelus and the chainsaw."
"Welcome. Sorry 'bout Dru there. Couldn't see any other way to stop him, and I couldn't move 'til the slayer arrived. Can we be really English now and stop embarrassing each other?"
"With great relief! Returning to why I left and why I'm here. It was due to conflicts back home. War if you like within the Council of Watchers. A very civilised one so far, but it will turn bloody, and I needed ammunition. What's a more powerful weapon than the truth?"